Growing up, I was a pretty good kid.
I played soccer, was on the swim team, even spent 2 years doing downhill ski racing. I had lots of friends in lots of different groups, and I brought home a good report card.
The biggest trouble I got in as a kid was the time my friends and I made huge stencils and spray-painted every spot in the high school parking lot as a handicapped space (we fixed the damage during the week we were suspended from school). I never did that again!
My mostly carefree childhood led to a surprisingly rough transition into adulthood. For whatever reason, the more serious stresses of life really got to me in ways I didn’t have the capacity to handle. My parents got divorced, I put a lot of pressure on myself to succeed, and I found myself in a high-stress job.
I can’t blame the choices I made in life on the things that happened to me but I can own the fact that I never really learned how to deal with what life was throwing at me. All I knew was that I never felt entirely comfortable in my own skin and I tried to change that in unhealthy ways.
Just like you, I was never planning on becoming a drug addict or junkie. I was just seeking a little relief. My experimentation with drugs was certainly something I could control, or at least I thought I could…
Using pills at first, and eventually harder drugs, gave me a sense of relief that I simply couldn’t get anywhere else. Something most people who have never struggled with a substance use disorder tend to overlook is the fact that getting high feels great in comparison to how normal life feels.
To them, the downside to drug use is so glaringly obvious that they wouldn’t even consider how getting high makes you feel. And when you don’t feel bad in the first place, staying away from serious drugs is a no brainer.
But to someone who is already struggling, the temptation to seek relief is unbelievably strong. Imagine the feeling of unease you get before you have to speak in public, or before a job interview. I felt like that a lot.
And the truth is I felt better when I was high. When you add up the fact that I lacked coping mechanisms, my brain chemistry had already changed with experimental drug use, and the pressures life kept throwing my way, what it equaled was someone who was primed for addiction.
And that’s exactly what happened. The thing that I thought I could control suddenly had control over me. My drug use evolved into a full blown addiction. It made me into a bad friend and a worse family member. I was sad and unhappy all the time, and I thought I would never get better. Pile on the shame and stigma associated with addiction and it’s easy to see why so many people with substance use disorder never find a way out.
But I was lucky. Due to the unbelievable kindness and generosity of my family and some new friends, I was able to get help and eventually recover from my addiction. It was a long road, with many missteps along the way, but I found a solution in exercise, particularly running.
When I run, I feel great. Better than any drug. It helps put my mind at ease and helps my body to be strong and fit.
I’ve been running regularly for 4 years now. I have a simple system: if I didn’t do a workout yesterday, I do one today. Sometimes I mix in a little swimming, surfing, hiking, or skiing. Exercise helps me feel great, and builds a lot of self-confidence. Every single day is a new beginning and a chance to build on the life I have now and I am so lucky to have a life I can build on instead of one that is marked by destruction.
Plus, I’ve learned some really valuable ways of coping with resentment, anxiety, fear, and anger, which have allowed me to successfully ride the waves of life.
I’m also very grateful to have been given an opportunity to make a good career for myself in marketing. That’s why after years of earning money making advertisements, I thought it would be nice to use my marketing abilities to raise money for charity as well.
I consider myself extremely lucky to be able to use my experience to help others who are suffering from the disease of addiction. This journey I have been on has shaped my worldview and changed my life in ways I could have never imagined. I know that there are millions of people out there just like me who are struggling to find a way out. I want to extend a helping hand to those people. Those people are just like me and they are just like you… full of love, hopes, dreams and also struggles that overshadow all of it.
On May 19th I am putting my foot down to help end addiction and I am inviting you to join me every step of the way. Please consider supporting me in this mission. For more information on Shatterproof please visit shatterproof.org. To make a donation or sponsor my race, please click the button below: